Are programs like YOU dangerous? Woman tells heartbreaking story of harassment (2023)

It was a "sweet date" to match any 1990s rom-com. In 2018, a charming and handsome bookstore manager spotted a beautiful boho student walking through the door. They bonded over books and a shared superiority complex, and sparks flew when they shook hands.

But less than 10 hours of television later, the girl was dead, and the phenomenon that isOfhe was born.

Based on the novels by Caroline Kepnes, the psychological thriller returnsNetflixin its fourth season on February 9. When Season 3 aired in October 2021, it became the most-watched series in the streaming platform's history, with over 2.254 billion minutes watched in the first week alone.

But despite its popularityOfwas a source of controversy from the moment it first aired on Lifetime. While it received rave reviews from critics, it was also heavy.criticized for romanticizing the persecution.

Amy Bonomi, founder of Social Justice Associates, a strategy development and culture building firm, saidnews week: "Shows howOfnormalize problematic relationship dynamics and abuse.

"When such behaviors are seen as romantic, they signal problematic control dynamics that instill fear, threat, imprisonment, and disempowerment in target individuals."

Jeanette Opheim, a real-life victim of stalking who suffered years of harassment and abuse, sharednews weekher harrowing story and said she dreaded shows likeOfit could encourage potential persecutors to "justify their actions".

the problem withOf

According to Stalking Awareness, approximately 13.5 million Americans are stalked annually – including 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. He defines stalking as "a pattern of behavior directed toward a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for that person's safety or the safety of others, or to experience significant emotional distress."

The debate over whether TV shows, movies andVideo games encourage violenceit is long term. A landmark report published by the National Institute of Mental Health in 1982 found that watching violent television programs made children less empathetic, more likely to engage in aggressive and harmful behavior, and more afraid of the world around them.

A more recent study published in 2019American Business Journaldiscovered that the opposite is also true - healthy,Educational TV shows can make kids smarter.

But adults with their fully formed brains must be immune to the effects of TV, right? You might think so, but a quick look at social media suggests otherwise.

A significant part of the time inOfforum aboutRedditparticularly devoted to targeting Joe's victimsGuinevere BeckElizabeth Lail, Joe's object of affection in Season 1.

Most of the criticism focuses on Beck being "plain" or "nasty" - or simply not good enough for "anti-hero" Joe - and thus somehow deserving of ending up in a body bag.

"While perhaps unintentional, these attitudes blame victims of abuse for doing (or not doing) something to prevent abuse directed at them," Bonomi said.

Videos with disturbing Joe quotes and captions like "I wish he would follow me" are everywhere.Tag thanks.

Lead actor Penn Badgley called on fans to idolize the character. The decision to fill the oldgossipGirlStar raised eyebrows in 2018 over concerns that Badgley's good looks made Joe an object of lust rather than disgust.

In a 2021 interview with Netflix, Badgley, 36, said: "Joe is one of the worst people ever. Don't strive to be like him, don't defend him. Never. Never defend him. He doesn't need that ."

However, Badgley also told viewers as muchfind Joe attractive and embarrass Beckis the "point". In 2019 he saidnews weekOOfit is “a direct response to discerning the current internet climate”.

From a creative standpoint, this makes sense - it's a myth that stalkers are strangers in trench coats or unattractive people who can't get a date. The non-profit National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that 3 out of 4 victims of stalking knew the perpetrator beforehand, often in a romantic context. It is important to point out that stalkers often do not fit the stereotype that is commonly associated with them.

Still, Bonomi addressed the problematic actions of compelling characters - like Christian Grayfifty Shades of grey(Jamie Dornan) e Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson).twilight- are generally portrayed as romantic rather than dangerous, which is troubling.

Indeed, Netflix's description ofOfThere is not even a mention of persecution. It characterizes Joe as a "dangerously charming and intensely obsessive young man" who "goes to extreme lengths to fit himself into the lives of those with whom he is fascinated".

This gray area runs through like a red threadYorand allows fans to paint Joe as passionate rather than confused. Omost of his victims of persecutionexpress their horror at his behavior, but Joe always gets away with it and switches to a different woman (or two) every season.

But how to romanticize this stalker/killer character?Of, real victims feel?

"One person actually said to me, 'Your story reminds me of the showOf'I love this show...'

Jeanette Opheim knows all too well the horror of being followed. The 31-year-old author was a senior in high school when her nightmare began. What started as uncomfortable text messages and unrequited declarations of love soon turned into non-stop phone calls and unwanted gifts, followed by verbal and physical threats.

Though it's difficult, Opheim tells his story in hopes of helping others.

Like Beck, when Opheim first met her would-be stalker, she thought he was harmless. She was paired with John (not his real name) for a wilderness survival class because she was one of the few students who didn't bully him.

Initially, Opheim and John hit it off, but during a year-end assignment camp, "something changed". Opheim and John were spending a weekend in the woods with two other students, and although the man behaved normally during the trip, he bombarded them with warm messages on the way home.

The lyrics sparked a campaign of harassment and abuse that would last for seven years. Throughout the school year, John declared his love for Opheim several times.

At first she gently said she wasn't interested, but John continued to follow her on the phone and on social media. Opheim blocked her number, so John made his friends call her non-stop.

"They'd say, 'Why don't you like him?' or 'Why are you horrible to him?'” she recalled.

At first, Opheim took the calls out of guilt. She hoped that eventually John would lose interest and move on, but the calls wouldn't stop.

She asked the teacher for help, who supported her. However, as Opheim had no words to describe what she was going through, her teacher downplayed the situation.

"What I do know is that I didn't understand what happened until the end of the game," she said. "I think it's important for other victims of stalking to know [the signs] because they can ask for help sooner."

Shortly after, John shows up to class and presents Opheim with a bouquet of flowers in front of everyone. She closed it, but the situation continued to deteriorate.

John followed Opheim around campus and "accidentally" ran into her at random times and places. He befriended her social group to try to get into her life and started showing up at her workplace, which freaked her out.

"He was outside the building one night as I was closing and he waited for me. It was so scary I had to call a friend to pick me up. When he saw my friend coming he left."

Opheim credited her friends for protecting her. At first, she was too embarrassed to ask for help.

"I wish I had used them sooner," she said. “The more people you tell about it, the thicker your safety net becomes.

One day, John called Opheim and threatened to kill himself, which sent her into a panic.

“He said he was on top of the stands at our university's stadium. He would back out if I didn't agree to be his friend."

The threat was a lie, but Opheim didn't know that at the time. Then John published a postFacebookasking for help in publicly humiliating Opheim by "grabbing her and stripping her naked" on campus grounds.

Fortunately, a friend saw the post before he could find volunteers. Opheim decided to call the university police.

"I remember saying to them, 'I don't want him to kill himself,' but the officer said, 'Well, we'd rather have a suicide than a murder-suicide.' That's when I realized it was serious."

At that time, she decided not to apply for a restraining order. Her last semester was coming to an end and she knew she would soon be moving to another state. However, John began cyber stalking her.

He followed her on social media for the next six years and created several fake accounts, but due to online harassment, the police did little to help.

Opheim tries not to let the experience dominate her life, but she is cautious, especially when she is in public.

"I'm very careful. I never post where I am, I block suspicious accounts or new followers on social media," she said.

"Whenever I see someone who looks a little like them, I always check them out. I never know where they might be."

Understandably, Opheim has no desire to watchOf,However, she appreciates that people who haven't experienced persecution might see the show differently.

"I don't blame people for infusing that into sexualityOfrepresents,” she said.

"What I don't think is right is that a potential stalker could watch this and use it to justify their actions and think it's something to be aimed at.

"One person actually said to me, 'Your story reminds me of the showOf'I love this show.' A lot of times people just don't understand."

Instead of canceling shows likeOf, she believes adding hotlines and features at the end of episodes would be beneficial so that viewers who see themselves in Beck and Joe's other victims know who to contact for support.

news weekreached out to Netflix for comment.